On Moving On

Okay, guys. Let’s talk about one of those uncomfortable relationship questions again. Shall we?

Great.

So, moving on. No really – about that. I’ve had a few friends lately who’ve been in the boat of rocky or recently ended relationships… In other words, a pretty lousy boat to find yourself aboard! Ugh. Been there, bought the t-shirt, and then walked the plank to get off that darn boat. In other words, I can see where they’re coming from.

And everyone wants to know how to move on. Or when they’re supposed to be moved on by. You know, that sort of thing.

I mean, heck if I know. I just ramble like I’m sitting across from you at a coffee shop and hope that whatever I’m saying makes the teensiest bit of sense to at least one person other than my mother out there. Occasionally it does (thank God).IMG_5041 Anyways, there are a lot of opinions out there, but here’s what I think and what has helped me in the past.

You move on at your own pace. What’s good for you may not be good for me, you know? It doesn’t matter! No one’s pacing you! This isn’t a marathon. Don’t let anyone tell you when you’re supposed to be ready for anything, even the best of friends with the greatest of intentions.

You can burn his pictures, or keep them up til the following Christmas. You can go on nightly dates with new men starting from day one of your new singledom, or you can wait a few months until you no longer come home from said dates anxious to drown your sorrows in a jar of almond butter (or do a combo of the two………….not that I’d know or anything).

I’m just saying you don’t necessarily have to be ready to blast Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” at the one month mark because that’s the “right thing to do.” If you’re still sad, that’s okay. BE sad. Just remember not to shun joy.

That’s really the key, I think, because sometimes that happens. We stare so long at that locked door, that we never notice the other (maybe smaller, or newer) doors opening all around us. Let that laughter and sunshine slowly creep back in as you put one foot in front of the other. You may not be sliding down rainbows and throwing pixie dust around, but just let yourself open up to the possibility of something good happening again.

And eventually it gets easier to do that – to move forward. Promise! You just have to keep going.

Get up, be around people,  call your mama 12 times a day, embrace feeling like you’re on the brink of tears while ellipticalling at the gym… and just try to believe that even in the darkest or most confusing moments, things WILL get better. They really, really will, and one day it won’t hurt so much just to hear a certain song on the radio or to, well, breathe.

You’ll wake up and just be okay again.. .and not even realize that you haven’t felt that way in a while!

You know?

It may also involve making decisions you wish you didn’t have to make, but that are better for YOURSELF in the long run, even if it seems selfish and even if you think keeping his number around is a good idea, “just in case” (because FYI –  it’s not). Not to say things can’t turn around in your situation – they might; they could. Who the heck knows! But life keeps going, yo.

Oh, and for goodness sake, do NOT listen to anything by Ingrid Michaelson or Ray LaMontagne (even though I flippin’ adore him) during this whole moving on period.

Lordy. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😉

 

Anyone else got some tips out there to share?

P.S. Don’t forget you can find a collection of my deep thoughts/relationship type crazy musings on the ‘Personal Essays‘ section of the blog if you’re interested! 

 

11 Comments on On Moving On

  1. Jess
    December 13, 2012 at 1:07 PM (5 years ago)

    This is amazing: “You may not be sliding down rainbows and throwing pixie dust around…”

    You’re a fantastic writer. I’ve always believed things happen at your own pace and you won’t get it until you’re “there.”

    Reply
  2. Valerie
    December 13, 2012 at 1:15 PM (5 years ago)

    What a gem! I love this: “If you’re still sad, that’s okay. BE sad. Just remember not to shun joy.”

    Love the Joy — you angry elf, you 😉

    Reply
  3. Jenna | The Paleo Project
    December 13, 2012 at 1:20 PM (5 years ago)

    Such a great post and happy I can only relate from the memory of that experience you talk about so candidly. My only bit of advice is to spend as much time as you can with yourself during this time, because someday, you’ll be so busy, so full, so loved, that you’ll wish for some solitude, and fortunately, it will be hard to find.

    Reply
    • joelle
      December 13, 2012 at 1:22 PM (5 years ago)

      Absolutely agree!

      Reply
  4. Lisa
    December 13, 2012 at 1:53 PM (5 years ago)

    I can totally picture you sliding down rainbows and throwing pixie dust around!!!!!!! YOU are just AWESOME Joelle.

    Reply
  5. Erica
    December 13, 2012 at 3:29 PM (5 years ago)

    Totally agree! For me- I used to keep myself busy- make plans! Less downtime to think about things!!

    Reply
    • joelle
      December 13, 2012 at 9:19 PM (5 years ago)

      Def – staying busy is essential to keep the overthinking monsters away. 😉

      Reply
  6. Bethany
    December 14, 2012 at 8:35 AM (5 years ago)

    Stumbled onto your blog a few weeks ago, not even sure how, but so glad I did! I am also recently single and in the process of moving on. Thanks for the encouragement! Also can I just say I’m pretty jealous that you live in D.C.? I love that city! 🙂

    Reply
    • joelle
      December 14, 2012 at 11:21 AM (5 years ago)

      Bethany- however you found my blog, I’m sure glad you did. It gets better–I promise.. And pancakes help. 🙂

      Reply
  7. Sokphal
    December 17, 2012 at 4:34 PM (5 years ago)

    Anyone who has gone through a break-up will tell you these are GREAT tips! My first heart break was almost three years ago and what helped me was being BUSY (afraid of being alone). Later, I realized that I also needed some “me time” to just accept the “loss”. I made the mistake of jumping back into dating too soon, it only made it worse! If I ever see my ex again, the first thing I will say is “Thank you” – he seriously did me a favor. The saying is true, you have go to through the frogs to get to your prince! (Currently dating my bf of two years who has raised the bar exponentially!)

    Reply
    • joelle
      December 23, 2012 at 8:09 PM (5 years ago)

      Being busy, totally. That’s key!

      Reply

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