Good morning sunshines!

So a few days ago, I was driving somewhere with my mom, singing to the radio (I am OBSESSED with this song, TSwift you genius), when she told me that I seemed the happiest she’s seen me in over a year. That I seem back to my old self again.

Her comment got me thinking, and forced me to admit that until recently, I hadn’t felt like myself for a long time. {In other words, this post is going to be wordy.}

I’m the kind of person who takes everything in. I absorb it all, feel things in a big way, and care about how others are doing or what they’re going through. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Eventually, over a couple of years, I let it all weigh on me. I was happy, but not at my happiest, even though I was head over heels in love, had a great family, solid job.. you know. It was no one’s fault. Life had started to wear me down, the result of a number of situations not going as I’d planned or couldn’t control, and all that big feelings stuff; circumstances that just sort of make life life.

Subconsciously I realized I wasn’t staying present anymore, and I’d lost the positive aura that was once my calling card (you  know, that and “Puts down a lot of pancakes”). But I was stuck. I let myself – slowly, gradually, barely noticeably at first – sink into a mindset of cautious optimism. Into a person I didn’t completely recognize.

And really, cautious optimism? Puh-lease. That’s just code for pessimism and disappointment. Like you’re ready to be let down.

Kinda like a balloon that loses steam and starts shimmying throughout the clouds, until it eventually lands face first on the cement…..fresh out of good intentions and hope. That’s  bad news bears right from the get-go, people.

By the time summer rolled around this last year, I was exhausted. Drained, mentally and physically, and just trapped.

…………..And then, things started to change.

By things I mean my mindset, not that angels with harps came down from the heavens telling me to get my you know what together.

Slowly, slowly, slowwwwwwly it happened. With yoga, completing my race, writing, and long talks with people I love, and I got better at bouncing back from the uncontrollable in life, like I used to. Mainly I decided to consciously shun that way of thinking that had taken up real estate in my brain – that cautious optimism baloney. Bye, bye! No room for you at the inn!

As bizarre as it sounds, my dad getting so ill in December helped in that, as did an amazing book passage one of my best friends (hi, Christina!) emailed me the night before New Year’s Eve. Suddenly, things clicked. As disgustingly corny as this sounds, I feel the happy glow back. Come on, you know what I mean. I think everyone’s got it, when they’re truly feeling at peace with themselves. I mean, life is certainly not perfect (want to see another photo of my crutches, or maybe my ridiculous work to-do list?) and I’d be lying if I said I felt bouncing off the wall happy every second just because it’s a new year, but I feel like me again.

I’m rambling. I don’t think I had a purpose in this post… but sometimes life/things/everything have a purpose you can’t see at the time. Just go with it.

Annnnnnnnnnd that’s my deep thought of the day. Happy Friday! Have some wine.

(Wine at lunch time is TOTALLY okay on a holiday weekend. Promise.)

Got a deep thought? Or can relate to, you know, anything I just yammered on about? 

Related posts: