I’m back. I missed you!
A lot of things have happened in my life in the last few months, a lot of changes…. which is largely why the radio silence thang accidentally started. I finished my Anatomy class (with a B+!), moved into a new apartment, amped up my job hunt, started another nursing pre-req class (chemistry), dropped said nursing pre-req class, endured a break-up, and got a job offer.
I was trying this privacy thing out, and, really, I just didn’t have much time with school, but….. I sorta need to write things out to make sense of them/life. I’m a writer, and that’s what we have to do. Like breathing. SO, here I am, taking a big gulp of air again. Anyone still around and ready for a wordy post about relationships? My fav, as ya’ll know.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, then you may remember I had an oh so lovely break-up a few years ago that I basically word-vomited many a blog post about. #Catharsis. To put it as eloquently as possible, that heartbreak – my first – overwhelmed me, and I allowed it to sweep me out to sea for longer than I care to admit. [But, I’m still a firm believer that hearts do not have a time table they follow, and you should always allow yourself to feel the feelings.]
This time around, it’s been a bit different. I have no plans to go into sharing the details here on the internet, but the break was mutual and came after a lot of honest conversations born out of love and real desire for two people to be happy, no matter what. I’m sincerely proud of myself for the way I’ve been able to handle it and honor my heart, and I’m not afraid to say that out loud. Maybe it’s because it ended dramatically differently than my previous relationship, or maybe you only have to get pummeled by heartache one time to learn a solid lesson… either way, I’ll take it.
And this break, it arose gradually, like a loose string in your favorite dress. After months of thoughts and tears and heartache and confusion about what I need and want in a relationship, and what was best for everyone involved, it was finally unraveled. One good tug, and it was completely undone.
Even with being a fancy pants mature adult as I clearly am (as I sit here owning more yoga pants than real pants), I can safely say the last couple months have not been entirely easy, or without the pangs of loneliness or “now what” questions (to myself……. while watching Friends….. don’t worry about it). But ultimately, I know following my heart has always been the best decision in my life, and I still trust it now. Your heart will never lead you astray if you really, really listen to it, friends.
Sometimes things have to drift apart for other things to come together. And it’s so much better to listen to your heart and face some pain in the present than settle for a life that is half than what you deserve. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
And of course, I’m still a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and serendipity, and that what’s meant to be will always be. You know – all the rah-rah inspirational quotes I post on Instagram. Build it and they will come, right? You really never know what the future has in store, or who it’ll bring in (or back in) to your life. And I’m approaching this new chapter by saying yes to all the things that make me happy and challenge me to grow, and saying no to all that does not.
Ummmm, that’s probably enough babbling to welcome me back into the blog world, right? I have missed you all, and missed this space. I have no idea how often I’ll be writing nowadays, but stay tuned.